I’ve been very quiet since Yolanda and going through a sort of crisis. There was so much to do and such incredible noise around it. All of a sudden volunteerism became all about selfies and narcissistic posts. I just couldn’t get into the culture. And that made me look twice at the stuff I write and wonder if there was still space for it in today’s obsession with lists, quizzes, travel posts, witty one-liners and other “look how clever I am” entries. I rebel at the thought of having to post and promote my own writing. Then D. said just this morning, “But how else will you do it today ?”.
I honestly don’t know.
My writing has more to do with the inner life, the universal life, which everyone shares but not everyone consciously acknowledges. But everyday I look at what people are reading and think that very few want to look there. I have a sense that more and more people would rather stay in carefully curated Facebook, Instagram and Twitter posts. Anything that involves authentic self-reflection (necessarily uncomfortable) is cast aside, except if it’s captured in a few words and posted with cute graphics.
I told myself to get over it and write in January, then I just felt I had nothing to offer. And the months slipped by. Then there was this brouhaha over Gwyneth Paltrow’s “conscious uncoupling”. That somehow woke me up, enough to write this.
I don’t know why people like to give Gwyneth Paltrow a hard time about everything. All I can think of is that she’s trying to live life on her terms, staying conscious, trying to articulate her inner life in a way that feels true. For her, though, it’s very public and somehow people feel she’s fair game. That’s how it feels to me, anyway. I don’t know enough as I am not one to follow what goes on in the lives of celebrities. But the reaction to her announcement really woke me up. And for that I am grateful.
I realize that anyone on a path of consciousness will always stand apart. That’s the story of my life. I’m the one that goes home early while others drink the night away because I know doing that won’t serve me. I speak out when I feel that someone has behaved too casually about an issue of integrity, even though I get admonished and told to chill. I constantly feel vibes thrown my way over decisions I make, even though I never impose any of my own decisions on others. I know by now that it comes with the territory of living consciously. So, perhaps, that’s the way it is. But if any of my posts wake just one person up, then I guess it’s worth it.
Social media makes us feel as though it’s all about the number of likes and shares. But I’m sure there’s another way. People will find what they seek, hopefully without wading through too much muck. I’ve always written what I write because I believe that that part of life is shared by all and people will stumble upon my writing when they need to. And that is enough.
With that thought, perhaps, I have found my way back.