Apr 032014
 

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I’ve been very quiet since Yolanda and going through a sort of crisis.  There was so much to do and such incredible noise around it.  All of a sudden volunteerism became all about selfies and narcissistic posts.  I just couldn’t get into the culture.  And that made me look twice at the stuff I write and wonder if there was still space for it in today’s obsession with lists, quizzes, travel posts, witty one-liners and other “look how clever I am” entries.  I rebel at the thought of having to post and promote my own writing.  Then D. said just this morning, “But how else will you do it today ?”.

I honestly don’t know.

My writing has more to do with the inner life, the universal life, which everyone shares but not everyone consciously acknowledges. But everyday I look at what people are reading and think that very few want to look there.  I have a sense that more and more people would rather stay in carefully curated Facebook, Instagram and Twitter posts. Anything that involves authentic self-reflection (necessarily uncomfortable) is cast aside, except if it’s captured in a few words and posted with cute graphics.

I told myself to get over it and write in January, then I just felt I had nothing to offer. And the months slipped by. Then there was this brouhaha over Gwyneth Paltrow’s “conscious uncoupling”. That somehow woke me up, enough to write this.

I don’t know why people like to give Gwyneth Paltrow a hard time about everything. All I can think of is that she’s trying to live life on her terms, staying conscious, trying to articulate her inner life in a way that feels true. For her, though, it’s very public and somehow people feel she’s fair game. That’s how it feels to me, anyway.  I don’t know enough as I am not one to follow what goes on in the lives of celebrities.  But the reaction to her announcement really woke me up. And for that I am grateful.

I realize that anyone on a path of consciousness will always stand apart.  That’s the story of my life.  I’m the one that goes home early while others drink the night away because I know doing that won’t serve me.  I speak out when I feel that someone has behaved too casually about an issue of integrity, even though I get admonished and told to chill. I constantly feel vibes thrown my way over decisions I make, even though I never impose any of my own decisions on others. I know by now that it comes with the territory of living consciously. So, perhaps, that’s the way it is.  But if any of my posts wake just one person up, then I guess it’s worth it.

Social media makes us feel as though it’s all about the number of likes and shares.  But I’m sure there’s another way.  People will find what they seek, hopefully without wading through too much muck. I’ve always written what I write because I believe that that part of life is shared by all and people will stumble upon my writing when they need to. And that is enough.

With that thought, perhaps, I have found my way back.

 Posted by at 12:59 pm

  6 Responses to “QUIET”

  1. Hi Panjee, you probably barely remember me… a blast from your past singing the night away on that old white piano of yours decades ago, but I remembered you yesterday as I was rifling through a dusty pile of Vinyl, visiting here at my parents house in Angeles City looking at an album of Lani Hall. I believe it was one of your favorite songs…”Come Down In Time” ?? forgive me if I got the title wrong.

    KEEP WRITING ON YOUR BLOG! I’ve always admired your veracity in sticking to your “principles”, the short time I knew you…so long ago and so young we were then. It is very important that no matter what the world is becoming, that you stay true to who you are. It is not about your popularity, but how well you can inspire a person…albeit few…compared to Facebook and the like! That’s my message to you!

    I now live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and practice as a physician in Geriatric Medicine and Hospice care. I have unfortunately set my piano playing on the side… I am married to a local girl from Milwaukee about 9 years now and we have not had the blessing of children. But, we love our 35 lb Aussie Labradoodle – Mingus!

    Anyways, stay creative and writing…my wife is a commercial artist and often she thinks her work is not that great…but she inspires many people, as you do as well with your writing! DON’T GIVE UP!

    Sincerely, Danny

    • Danny! Of course I remember you and all the singing (kawawa ang neighbors) we did in High School. Good times. Sad to hear you’ve given up the piano. Sayang naman. Play again! It’s so good to hear you’re doing well and thanks so very much for the much needed message. Your wife is lucky to have your perspective and encouragement always. Warmest regards and thanks again. It’s good to be in touch.

      • Haha, yes the neighbors…Fun times indeed! I have played more piano since those days and music will never leave me… but somehow career choices and my new love, Road Cycling, and of course my loved ones, keep me busy.

        I am back home and have been in the states for 22 years without much contact with the high school friends apart from Facebook here and there.

        What about you? I stumbled upon your blog but don’t know much except you’re some celebrity or TV/Movie person?

        Still waiting for the new blog entry…

        Here is my wife’s artwork, you might enjoy looking through..

        http://www.susantolonen.com

        Cheers!

        Danny

        • Danny! Galing your wife! Yan naman ang talent. TV was a lifetime ago. Raising two boys, one nearly 17 and the other just turned 13. That, blogging (as if), advocacy work…no more TV :). Found you na on FB.

  2. Hi Ms. Panjee,
    I am always happy whenever you have a new blog. Most of the time your blogs are too intellectual for me, but I read them anyway.
    I hope you write more often. More Power.

    Leah Marie

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