I have been away from this space for so long; each time I think of writing, I whip out my journal and do it there instead. It has been a season of intense self-reflection. All my public words went into hibernation. But I feel able enough to let my words reach out again and I hope they are of some use or solace to you.
This is not just me. I suspect we are all struggling over how our external reality has shifted. The world feels noisy, much of its sound more baffling than enlightening. Nothing is the same. It takes more effort to find that quiet voice of sense and equanimity online. Part of me doesn’t want to add to the chatter, but I also know how important it is to quit telling myself I have nothing of value to add to the conversation, should others seek it.
The last two years have been quite turbulent and when there is a shift outside, you can be sure there is equal movement inside, whether or not we pay attention. My inner life definitely went through a rollercoaster ride of epic proportions. I have only very recently come out of that wild and messy journey and am doing the difficult but necessary work of coming home to this stronger and wiser self, of cultivating gratitude and appreciation so that disappointment and cynicism do not grow.
All crises are growth agents, but no one ever rolls out the red carpet for them. Instead, we wish them away, resist, deny, hope, avert–employ every available tactic to delay our expansion. I certainly have the tendency to want to rest in whatever comfort zone I manage to create for myself and, despite what I know, will be the first to resist any kind of change. It is all part of the dynamic. But I surrender sooner than later, knowing that my resistance only prolongs the inevitable (aaaaahhhh….the gift of age). We cannot overcome any personal difficulty if we are unwilling to examine the muck and mud of who we are. This cycle continues for life because it is the very thing that makes us human. Our work is to grow and become. No amount of kicking, screaming and railing against the tide can alter its course. The only thing we can do is choose how we receive and respond to the challenges.
My most recent spin prodded me to deepen my self-care practices, which then led me to commit to extending this to others. I am now a certified HeartMath coach and will soon be on the way to helping people go through relationship heartbreak with appreciation, love, compassion and grace. Pain and grief are pathways to creative possibility. Every crisis holds a world of blessings.
This is the unexpected endowment of this frightening world: that we are inspired to dig deep to manifest what is good and true, to be of service, to be strong and connected, to choose love despite all our heartache. The dissonance in the world nudges us to gather our fragmented pieces, not with the aim of “fixing” ourselves but with the deep intention of facing the world with integrity so that we can love better.
I am grateful to be unpacking all the gifts of my true home.