Jun 122016

What a beautiful morning for a walk. I almost rush outside to catch the sun’s kindest rays. As soon as I shut the gate behind me, I am lost in a flow of memories: of recent walks along cool, shady trails, blooming wild flowers, dogs frolicking on the beach, and the naked man running on the sand, seconds away from entering the frame of a young couple’s photo.  I see all the different landscapes I didn’t realize I had grown to love so much. I remember a window through which I always peeked–all kinds of white plates hanging on the dining room wall. I feel my hands inside my pockets, seeking warmth. I feel them lovingly held.

But I am no longer there. I take myself firmly back to the present, my legs beginning to sweat, my feet on hot pavement. At that moment, I summon appreciation for this place, my current home. I have been in a state of disappointment and restlessness, looking out into the world for some place else to live, then realize I am being shown it is not time for that yet. The universe has not moved with me on this intention; instead, obstacles–external and internal–keep presenting themselves.

“Bloom where you’re planted”, I keep telling myself. Find joy everywhere.

I notice a string of colored tulip light bulbs on someone’s balcony. The colors awaken something in me. I remember a book I used to read to my boys. It opens to Lucas looking out of his empty city flat, telling his cat they are leaving to build his dream home: a house by the sea. They get on his bike and ride to a teeny island. There is no way to build but up, so he does– so beautifully (and apparently with materials that miraculously come from his backpack) that every time I read it, I want to move in. Then a storm comes in the night, and Lucas wakes to a dazzling sunlight and a small boy who compliments him on the super new bridge that is now their playground. Everyone’s life is transformed.

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I am in a different place when I find myself back on my street–full of joy and appreciation, with a sense that the way forward is to tend to this inner home I always carry with me, that always carries me. Throughout the day, landscapes I long for heave and ho in my inner world–a beautiful forest around me, a vast and powerful ocean, magnificent cliffs on which I behold everything. For now, the work is to build from within with joy, trust, laughter and love. Love! I am reminded of how often the outer world speaks to us when we look upon it from a space of deep appreciation. Obstacles are aplenty, fear unrelenting, until we recognize inside us a realm of utter abundance. It is nearly impossible to walk this earth and not have gratitude arise in you, from even the loneliest places.




All photos from “The Dream House” by Pirrko Vainio
 Posted by at 8:56 am

  5 Responses to “An Inner Home”

  1. Love!!! Your piece had gratitude arise in me too. Love is here, there, and everywhere. Onward!

  2. Timely reminder..Thanks Ms Panjee! Always joyful to read something written from the heart. Happily shared..

  3. Hi Ms. Panjee, may I know the title of the book? Maraming salamat.

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