Jan 162016


If you follow this blog, you already know that 2014 was a year of change and 2015, of reckoning. I spent the first half of this year creating the new spiritual body that would be home to all these now wonderful changes, but the road was full of unexpected twists and turns–an obstacle course of the inner life.

In January, I was glad to be alone and looking forward to what it would mean. Then all of a sudden I was thrust into a heaven I never could have imagined. Just as swiftly, I was pulled out and thrown into an abyss.  I plunged into a level of sadness I could not hold. I cried. Wrote and cried. Lived on Netflix and cried. Ate chips, bacon, dark chocolate (the last to assure myself I was still eating well). And cried. I gave myself that time because deep change often brings grief, which must express itself fully before the new can take hold.  I so wanted to get to that place and I knew it was important not to cut corners. So I let grief be. 

Eventually, nearly sodium deficient, I inched towards the sun. First, I started taking my coffee to the lanai, where I made sure to sit directly under sunbeams. This little step led me to walking barefoot in my garden and appreciating everything dying and blooming in it, myself included. This act of courage–of walking myself to the sun–was my first step towards my new wholeness. Before I knew it, I was putting on my old dancing shoes and moving…moving the sadness out of my body. I started to sing and loudly. I began to look forward to weekends alone so I could be louder, move wherever and whenever I wanted.

And that’s how it all began: BIKINI SUNDAY.

I had the house to myself. The sun was oh-so-bright. The green of my garden and all the foliage around me so lush and inviting. I knew what I needed to do. I donned my fuchsia bikini and lay in the sun, rolling every which way to make sure every tuck and fold got their dose of Vitamin D. I took photos of clouds, blades of grass, plants, birds, air. I lolled. I felt so free that I decided to spend my day in nothing else.

I went to the kitchen for a snack, rinsed the dishes, got clumsy and splashed soap and water on myself. Well, what do you know, no problem! I was already splash ready! It wasn’t until every trace of sunlight had disappeared from the sky that I decided to shower and change directly into my sleepwear. My day was so perfect I decided Bikini Sunday was the only way to start and end the week.

I’ve had many Bikini Sundays since, a few Bikini Saturdays even, but not nearly enough I tell you! Every girlfriend I share this with bursts out laughing because they know I’ve stumbled upon something so simple, crazy, joyful and life affirming. Who knew that such small cuts of bright, shiny fabric, large doses of sunlight, a mat and a patch of grass could be so revolutionary?

I do.

Psst, tomorrow’s Sunday!

 Posted by at 9:16 am

  6 Responses to “Bikini Sunday”

  1. Halo there Ms.Panjee! It’s TGIF by the way!!! Amami night for Turkish Greek Chinese like myself.
    Your article is very amusing.you seem so adorable as a tweety bird.
    Sunday for me for a time was created scary.that is how i term it….. God is great He removed the carnal things in my life one by one.
    Mine is not a bikini Sunday.that was very cute anyhow.i term more of exfoliating from the inside and out.to be greatful that God gave me a “soulful” body.mind.spirit.
    Everyday is like Sunday for me.like everyday is Christmas.I feel like Ms.Japan.
    I do not take Sunday that it has transgressed me.it cleanses my body.it cleanses my soul.
    Hey! It’s Sunday!!!!!
    May God Bless you always and you deserve to be back at hosting.i used to watch you at your morning show at Channel 2 back then prior off to hs class.
    You deserve to be happy.
    Have a great soulful life.
    Continue making us laugh and smile with your blog.
    Happy Sunday!!!!!
    God Bless Always.Our Blessed Virgin Mary Loves You and The Holy Spirit 🙂

  2. I’ve been there, where you are, Panjee. Embrace the feeling of calm, and know that things will eventually get better…

  3. I term it FriYayyyy -Sundayyy eldest is home after days of work. My youngest still with us. Eat,sleep with my boys. The hubby is the slave as i say cooking for all of us,his hobby and love. But one thing we do as family Sunday is Praayy a mass,
    must for us. There are times we are not complete like this weekend i shed tears eldest wont be around whats important its still a Sundayyy with my God that make me whole.

  4. Hi Ms. Panjee,

    What you had to go through here is okay. We all do at one point in time I guess. Although, others may just be too busy to even acknowledge them, or better yet, scared?
    Anyways, you are a lovely soul to be in an abyss. Abyss it would be especially when we oftentimes subject ourselves to solitude.
    Yes, love life, love people. You were there already with your sweetest smile and warm laughter.
    We were meant to spend this lifetime for others, for only then that we can lose and find ourselves again.
    Just me. Flona

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